- © 2008 Canadian Medical Association
Jocelyn, do you know
of the mark you made
like indelible ink
on the hearts and minds
of those who cared for you?
Only 38 years to ride backhoes, climb trees…
no husband, no children
but bonds of friendship
as rich and as deep as oceans
Then invaded by cancer
overtaking the lungs, the liver
gripping the spinal cord
to squeeze the last bit
of strength from your legs
confining you to your prison bed
Dignity lost, depths of pain so vast
“Total Pain” we called it
Spiritual
Physical
Emotional
Social
what more was there to hurt?
we named it, you understood
But you found your release
power to choose, control once more
simple… medication that would blanket the hurt
Numb the pain
Allow no thoughts to creep in
… your final decision
not euthanasia, Jocelyn, I tell you… I tell myself
though death will come quicker
Decision made, freedom granted
your pain eased merely in the knowing
you call the shots again
And then, you are gone
you have let go
you will no longer be needing this drug to take away your pain
the power of choice has eased your suffering
we are awed by your journey, humbled by your strength
we are grateful to have known you.
Footnotes
-
Jocelyn chose palliative sedation to ease her suffering but died before it could be administered.