Query

doi:10.1503/cmaj.051530

Submit a Response to This Article

Compose Response

Title *

References

Author Information

Contributors

First Name and Middle Initial *

First or given name, e.g. 'Peter'.

Last Name *

Your last, or family, name, e.g. 'MacMoody'.

Degrees

Email Address *

Your email address, e.g. higgs-boson@gmail.com

Occupation *

Your role and/or occupation, e.g. 'Orthopedic Surgeon'. Minimum 7 characters.

Affiliation *

Your organization or institution (if applicable), e.g. 'Royal Free Hospital'. Minimum 12 characters.

Address

Your organization, institution's or residential address.

Statement of Competing Interests

Competing interests? *

Yes

Please describe the competing interests

Vertical Tabs

Jump to comment:

medical marriages - the reality
hemant sharma

Posted on: 16 May 2006
Sustaining medical marriages
Alexandra Tcheremenska-Greenhill

Posted on: 28 March 2006
Thoughts from the wife of a rural physician
Susan E. Freitag

Posted on: 02 March 2006

Posted on: (16 May 2006)
Page navigation anchor for medical marriages - the reality
medical marriages - the reality
hemant sharma
Marriages are made in heaven,
exchange of rings are just rituals,
I believed my grand ma words,
and trusted they were factual.
So, I marry a young bird,
She has deep eyes and vision of good life,
hope to settle with a surgeon (me)
And be a lovely, charming wife.
Life progresses, tough schedules start...
Show More

Marriages are made in heaven,
exchange of rings are just rituals,
I believed my grand ma words,
and trusted they were factual.
So, I marry a young bird,
She has deep eyes and vision of good life,
hope to settle with a surgeon (me)
And be a lovely, charming wife.
Life progresses, tough schedules start,
Clinics, OPD’s, pre-op and theatre,
On calls, MDT’s, audit and research,
set in to make love life shatter.
disillusioned, she moans to me,
you've no time for me dear!
and I console, it’s just passing time,
do not worry, just bear.
she waits and waits and waits and waits,
the endless waits for love on work,
it's the job, I need to go
and I set again to work.
I do not know how to give her time,
I know she is alone and that’s crime,
How I cope and she copes,
She stays with me, I just hope.
So tell me you all, what to do,
I want marriage to be saved,
Job is job, needs time and skills,
Does that means, this relation needs to be killed.
Conflict of Interest:
None declared
Show Less

Competing Interests: None declared.
Posted on: (28 March 2006)
Page navigation anchor for Sustaining medical marriages
Sustaining medical marriages
Alexandra Tcheremenska-Greenhill
It was touching to read the Dr. Ursus page in the January 31st issue of the CMAJ. Touching because I know of too many colleagues who actually live through or fear a similar scenario. Our all consuming passion to help the patients often takes a huge strain on our personal relationships with spouses and children. Fortunately a couple of excellent books can help physician pre-empt difficulties in their personal lives. “The...
Show More

It was touching to read the Dr. Ursus page in the January 31st issue of the CMAJ. Touching because I know of too many colleagues who actually live through or fear a similar scenario. Our all consuming passion to help the patients often takes a huge strain on our personal relationships with spouses and children. Fortunately a couple of excellent books can help physician pre-empt difficulties in their personal lives. “The Medical Marriage: Sustaining Healthy Relationships for Physicians and Their Families” by husband and wife team Wayne M. Sotile and Mary O. Sotile, who have been treating medical couples for more than 20 years, describes key success factors in sustaining successful medical marriages using illustrative case narratives and provides simple self-assessment tools that identify key stressors and personality traits that can harm a marriage. The new book by Canadian expert doctor healer, psychiatrist Mamta Gautam “Irondoc: Practical Stress Management Tools for Physicians” shows how when physicians try to be all things to all people, personal needs are last and often lost. Dr. Gautam has put together this practical, easy-to-read book on how to stay in medicine and enjoy it and ensure that one’s family enjoys it too. We need to learn how to help ourselves in order to be able to continue to help others.
Dr. Alexandra Tcheremenska-Greenhill, Director, CMA Office for Leadership in Medicine
Conflict of Interest:
None declared
Show Less

Competing Interests: None declared.
Posted on: (2 March 2006)
Page navigation anchor for Thoughts from the wife of a rural physician
Thoughts from the wife of a rural physician
Susan E. Freitag
I am the wife of a rural physician. I experience the pager buzzing in the night, sinking deeper under the warm covers as my husband stumbles out of bed. In the grey light of dawn I often sense the empty space in bed beside me as piles of paperwork call out to be completed before the clinic day begins. I have had Valentine's dinner with my sons instead of my husband because the final patient of the day came in with c...
Show More

I am the wife of a rural physician. I experience the pager buzzing in the night, sinking deeper under the warm covers as my husband stumbles out of bed. In the grey light of dawn I often sense the empty space in bed beside me as piles of paperwork call out to be completed before the clinic day begins. I have had Valentine's dinner with my sons instead of my husband because the final patient of the day came in with crushing chest pain (and how can matters of the emotional heart trump matters of the physical?) I watch my husband spend every day torn in multiple, equally worthy directions, with virtually no time for himself.
I always flip to "Query" first when a new issue arrives and I was deeply moved by Dr. Ursus' candid piece "We're in counselling" (January 31, 2006). I feel great empathy for both of you. I'm generalizing, but I bellieve the same qualities of compassion, dedication and loyalty that make a loveable spouse also cause the strife in marriage to a rural physician whose sense of loyalty and committment sent them down that career path in the first place and now leaves them torn between two groups of people who really do need them - their patients and their families. I believe this dilemma of finding balance between work and family is especially raw in rural physicians and I hope that some of Dr. Ursus' colleauges can help him gain insight into achieving this balance; perhaps an issue worthy of the Left Atrium. In the meantime, I wish you and your wife luck in counselling and perhaps next time a snow family is on the agenda mama and papa bear can help baby bear build it together.
Conflict of Interest:
None declared
Show Less

Competing Interests: None declared.