Any resident's story

11:14 I can't wait until I'm on staff. I'm gonna leave my watch at home every day. Maybe I'll just forget how to tell time altogether.

11:20 Okay, he should be here any minute now. No apology, of course. Not even an explanation. Is there an explanation? Stuck in traffic? Attacked by badgers? Trapped under something heavy, like his ego? Maybe he's looking after some really sick patient somewhere. Really sick, unlike his patients here, who are apparently only sorta sick and not really worth his time. Maybe someone's dying somewhere.

11:27 There'd better be somebody dying. Only excuse I can think of for being 27 minutes late.

11:31 There's nobody dying anywhere. Well, dying of iatrogenic boredom, maybe. I wonder who the victim is. Some poor patient? Another resident? Maybe it's some other staff jerk, who's seriously reconsidering ever asking for a curbside consult again.

11:36 I'd leave and try to get something useful done, but the second I do he'll turn up and blow a gasket because I'm not here waiting for him with his slippers in my mouth. Should I page him? No, he hates being paged. Whenever I page him he's in the middle of something important, like curing cancer or inventing oxygen or defribrillating the Pope.

11:41 Why am I even here? I've forgotten everything I was going to talk to him about. Dammit! Aww, it doesn't matter, anyway. He never wants to hear anything I have to say. Vitals? Bah! Meds? Phooey! Has the patient recently eaten nectarines? That's what he'll want to know. Has the patient ever been in a marching band? Has the patient now, or has the patient ever been, in possession of a humidor?

11:43 Oh, here he comes now. You'd think he was on vacation, the way he's meandering down the hall. Hey, wait a second ... he's got a coffee! He's been at Tim's for God's sake! That's it. He's really gonna get it now. I'm gonna take a piece outta him. Here I am waiting to talk to him about his patients, and he's getting a double-double and a muffin! I'm gonna ...

11:46 I really shoulda let him have it.

12:02 Well, I guess I won't be getting to that lunchtime teaching session. This is plenty educational, though. Listening to him go on about how residents today don't know how to do a physical exam is certainly going to make me a better doctor. I bet he knows of a study that says so.

12:08 Shut up. Please shut up. I'll pay you one hundred dollars to shut up. Seriously. Stop talking now.

12:14 Randomize this, you $%&@!