Query

Figure. Photo by: Fred Sebastian

Yesterday I realized I'm an arrogant bastard. The realization came to me after one of our biweekly medical staff meetings. There one can find the usual assortment of perennial attendees, stragglers and occasionals. As a perennial, I value other perennials the most. Whenever a straggler comes in late — again — or an occasional arrives like a tourist watching conscientious doctors in their natural habitat, I feel like sneering.

And when one of the nonperennials does have something to say and takes the opportunity to say it, I stop listening. What could they possibly have to say to us about administration? Aren't we the responsible ones? Aren't we already doing what others have abdicated? I begin to think other thoughts, ones like this: What are you doing here, anyway? Every time you talk you make our meetings longer. You're wasting my time; you're wasting the entire committee's time.

It gets even worse.

I'm more virtuous than you; I come every two weeks, and you come every few months. Every time you show up you have a complaint about how some systemic flaw affects you; you never suggest improvements, you just bitch. I try to improve things, you just let off steam. It's your release valve, this committee, that's all.

Yesterday, as one of the occasionals spoke, I tuned out. I'd heard it all before, since the occasionals rarely deviate from a stock script. The particular annoyance on a given day might change, but the words rarely do. When he was finally done, the meeting continued and was, predicably, over time. Prattle, I thought. Just prattle.

Yet after the meeting one of the other regulars came up to me and asked what I thought about what this prattler had to say. The regular seemed genuinely excited; I had to confess I hadn't really heard, even though I recall the prattler had taken fifteen minutes of our precious time. The regular told me that the prattler had suggested a new way to organize our meetings so that physicians with issues could circulate discussion topics in advance. This way more physicians could feel a part of the committee and not be intimidated by others who knew more about the process. The other important thing was a suggestion to change the time of the meeting to lunchtime or early evening so non-hospital-based physicians could attend more readily. Right now, at 2 pm, it's difficult for office-based doctors and even some specialists to make it.

I pretended to know what the other regular was talking about and left feeling embarrassed. The more I think about my behaviour, the more ridiculous I feel. The very basis of my grudge against people who don't attend regularly was wiped away by one of the same — and for legitimate reasons.

I can be an ass, too.

— Dr. Ursus